Life isn’t a File – A Self Contemplation !!

My Mobile clock was ticking 8.00 PM in its flashing 320 X 420 TFT display

The Mobile stereo headset was plugged in place into my ear cavities on one of its end and to the Mobile stereo jack on the other end. I can see quite a few of Software Species seated beside, behind and in front me holding their i-Pods, MP3 Players and PMP in their very tired hands, who work desperately in a space bounded by card boards, named Cubicle, to force the output kiss their Monitors when they run a chunk of texts which they call it a PROGRAM or to sound more Computer-Literate-Software-Lingo, they call it a CODE.

I could feel the breeze of air sweeping across my face through the window. The corporate vehicle was swallowing the stretch of road ahead under its huge white-Blue metallic body with a number inside a circle stuck to its face. I could feel the inertia in which it was covering long distance to drop people in their respective destination.

Bus

The bus was dim lighted. The ambience was not so encouraging. I could see tired minds at rest. Most of them were fixed in their seats and eyes closed thinking about the nearest weekend that will embrace him/her soon. A man with some amount of hair stuck to his chin, which he called it a French beard, was talking over the Blackberry in a high decibel voice about the status report which was sent to Onsite and the metrics which has to be submitted before 0800 hours PST (Pacific Standard time), the next day. A teeny-weeny young girl in her early twenties, who was seated beside me, was busy talking to her friend about how Rohit was helping her during the regression testing. A treat assurance for successful testing completion was made, before the call was ended.

It sounded so dumb to me. She was now busy with her “Chicken Soup for the Girl’s Souls” by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Patty Hansen & Irene Dunlap in her lap! She gave me a look that will burn 275 calories of energy from her body.  She know that, I was staring at her..err… staring  at her book. I changed the direction of my vision at an horizontal angle of 20 degrees first, for a period of time, then an angle of 45.3 degrees towards the window. I was feeling tired, tired out of long travel in bus after a hectic work. It will take another one hour to reach my place.

I closed my eyes resting my head tilting it back at the head rest provided in the seat. My thought wandered.  Suddenly my inner self announced me, “I’m proud to be an Electrical and Electronics Engineer!! “ I was taken aback.

Electrical Network !! (Its here just to accentuate my EEE thought)

Why suddenly this thought erupted in the little mind that was busy all these time? Why I am so much inclined towards the subject, which I hated to the core suddenly? Its hundred percent true that, mind wanders like a monkey from one tree of thought to another one easily. My friends will throw a sheepish giggle or a lousy laugh at me if they ever heard me saying this. Such statement from my side is highly inappropriate. People know me as a software guy or a Computer Whiz kid from my college days, in spite of the undeniable fact that, all of us belonged to the esteemed group of “Electrical & Electronics Engineers”.

I thought software engineering would be interesting and elegantly clad field where you would see things you imagined, you see things working which you designed and executed. I hated electronics to the core. I saw people who were putting all blood and sweat to achieve things in the ‘Trical-‘Tronic subject as an algae which made the pond dirtier than the lotus which makes it beautiful. I always assumed myself to be a lotus adding beauty to the pond rather than being one among the algae floating in the water. I was never proud to be so much inclined towards software. I was actually happy that, I could survive in the software Market. I brushed up my software skills along with the soft skills which would enable me to get into this “Hello World”. I proactively mastered things that added feathers in my knowledge cap. I studied my subject just for marks. The last minute preparations, one night studies, group studies, mind mapping concepts in a way that is in no way related to the subject helped me to fetch marks and accolades. But, what about the knowledge? Am I an electrical engineer? Do I know things which others know? Have I made justice to the 4 precious years of my engineering life?  The questions stacked my memory and it was overflowing. Poor thoughts do know am not a Computer. I’m just another human being with blood and body with thoughts oozing out of human parts made of flesh and tissues.

College days were fun. We had time everything on earth though few things weren’t the way we expected. College was bound by rules. Lots of rules. But that was the boundary into which our heavens existed. We had everything. Food, Clothes, Money, Sleep, computers, Lectures, Labs, Practical, Hostel, Restricted freedom, Friends  and most importantly Peace. A peace that no money can buy. Though we were bound by boundaries of unseen, impractical, grotesque protocols written for students. We rested in peace in spite of the control that was impacted on us. Happiness persisted that were not explicitly declared. Happiness sustained as we were always surrounded by “same pinch” minds. Friends were families. Next room guy was a brother. Fourth bench corner guy was an entertainer. All girls were girl friends – Friends who were girls!! We did not see affection, we felt in our hearts. We did not see enmity, as it was practiced in our paths. We did not see God in temples, because we were taught things in “Temple of Learning”.  We did not find time to discover a new person amidst us, as we knew all of them around us. There wasn’t a stranger in our life.  So ultimately, life was full. full of colors, full of joy, full of love, full of exams, full of friends, full of boredom. A boredom which will not kill you, but will give new soil to sow interesting ideas.

But today, we are bounded too. Not bound by friends, but bound by strangers. We hardly know who sits in the next cubicle. We are bound not by walls of freedom, but by the walls of pressure. We spend hours together in this boundary to clock an minimal quantity of that fourth dimension, which decides the DNA of Life. We find little time for friends. We find little time for peace, which will not acquired at ease. There is something that decides all this. Those times were gone when we ran behind mark sheets, now that, we are running behind those few sheets of tinted paper which can buy everything under the sky. We never felt the notebooks heavier, but now, its aching to carry those currency notes. I do not deny the fact that our hard work reaps those currencies. But why do we put so much effort to earn money? Is it to keep on earning or to find time for people around you? I do not understand.

Time has changed everything in its path. When time passes, it doesn’t leave any stone unturned in its path.  It hasn’t spared me too. I spent four of my precious years in a field which involved bonding of emotional flux in one’s heart with the flux in another’s. But now am fidgeting with one dumb terminal to get some crap thing outta chunks of code. I wanted to be in IT, but not this kind of life which I’m living now…

The Bus jerked over a speed breaker. My thoughts spilled and I awoke from a deep thoughtful sleep. I looked at my mobile. It was 9.25 PM.  The bus has reached my place. In another 10 minutes, I have to get down. I did not notice the message which I received, a few minute back. Rightly the message reflected my thoughts

It read…

The IT Professional PREAMBLE-

We the unwilling, led by

the unknowing are

doing the impossible for

the ungrateful. We have

done so much for so

Long, with so little

Knowledge that we will

One day qualify to do

Anything with knowing

Nothing. Be Proud to be

An IT Professional !

Why should I be proud? I haven’t done anything great being an IT professional. I felt like being an algae in the pond. I felt as if I’ve lost the peace which I had before. I’m still searching for the Peace. Life has always its own style of teaching a lesson. It’s a good teacher. If it teaches something, you won’t forget it in your life time. I’ve learned from it. The bitter truth that I had to accept. The truth which can’t be denied. The truth that I’m still a Software Engineer.

I understood that, Life is not just another ‘File’, which can be created, modified and saved as you wish. It is something like a hard coded program which follows bizarre Logic to execute and terminate one day! Being a Software Engineer hasn’t helped me in any way.

Now I’m proud to be an Electrical and Electronics Engineer!!

I got down the bus and strolled towards my street to reach home, have something for my hunger and sleep tight.

12 thoughts on “Life isn’t a File – A Self Contemplation !!

  1. i read that algae is used for treating sewage, and also as fertilizer. also, they produce photosynthetic surfaces…so, its not as useless as you thought it is…🙂
    i am sure everybody, and not just the software professional’s life is as dull as you have mentioned, its ultimately your call.

    cheers!

  2. @ Gautham: hehe…thats true…but algaes just add ugliness to the look of the pond, though they have useful properties….and people do not look in that perspective…

  3. hiya…semma semma..nice one..really from the deep seated thoughts i guess..

    nice examples..kudos!!

  4. Thats the stark reality of life..!
    >>I understood that, Life is not just another ‘File’, which can be created, modified and saved as you wish. It is something like a hard coded program which follows bizarre Logic to execute and terminate one day!

    Even the hardest pgm can be made to play to ur tunes,with a little effort,that is !😛
    Anyway,Now that u hate IT watcha planning to do the rest of ur life..?Jump to Core companies?🙂

    btw, narration – awsumm

  5. @ Gracelyne: I dont hate IT totally..I just hate the life that it persuades us to lead…I’ve started hating it now only…

    I’ve mentioned this too in the narration😀

    >>I wanted to be in IT, but not this kind of life which I’m living now…

  6. WOW. That was amazing, kally!

    It reminds me of my own life.. the one that i’m going thru now in my EEE department! Hating my subjects, envying IT students, egoistic professors, irritating rules n exams , etc etc.
    but yet, i know i would be missing this life once i’m thru with my studies.
    And u must’ve seen the expressions on my face when i was reading this post! Gosh, ur style is awesome! u rock!

    but in spite of ur hectic schedule, u manage to write stuff and keep alive ur passion for writing… thats great! so u are NOT algae, kally! you r the lotus! You are a SURVIVOR..even though ur surrounding stinks, u manage to do what ur good at.

    if u think u lack skills of an engineer, maybe u r right.. none of us really qualify as an engineer. But when u say you’ve wasted four years, there i think u r wrong. Coz we learn a lot from life in itself… We learn how bad our education system is, we learn to make friends, lend shoulders, live life…. !
    And those four years have given u thoughts to think about, kally! i can see,it has contributed a lot to the wonderful articles, u write.

    u r an engineer+software geek+an amazing writer.

    cheers kally!🙂

  7. @ Yeshu: Thanks Yeshu 4 d encouraging words..Yes am the survivor…..struggling hard to getta peaceful life !!!

    Missing lots in Life..and spending hours 2gether in Office & that makes life sucks…But still enjoying a part of it with frnz and weekends !!!🙂

    And ofcourse frnz like u not only add spice to my blog but to my life too !!!

  8. Hey man,

    Awesome narration! I enjoyed the flow… We are supposed to, if we are a techie… Afterall, we are a resource…

  9. Kally, good one da…guess u had very deep sleep to think abt this stupid life…all the best for you to find some peace…that was one no-nonsense blog u written.kudos

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