Drifting away!

Have you ever noticed that the life is just drifting away slowly leaving you behind in some sort of confused and ever nagging loneliness? This feeling starts hitting you when you miss your friends, friends who have been your part and parcel of your life, with whom you have spent all your time and one day they all are gone away and you are left alone to your self. You get to meet new people with whom you are forced to make friendship or sometimes it just happens due to similarity in thoughts or due to interactions that makes it necessary to extend the hands of friendship. Well everyone will have to pass through this situation. You become so nostalgic and would subject oneself to constant rewinding of past incidents through photos stored in your hard disks or videos taken in your mobile phones.

The sheer thoughts about your college days brings back the hero in you. The days spent with friends keep flashing in your mind and your mind starts drifting itself into its past. Friends always stay near you at some point of time. You hang out with them, talk with them, go for trips, treats and eat outs. This creates an itch in your mind that keeps itching you, making you addicted to them. You start loving their company and  would want to meet them as frequently as possible. This is just like a recursion logic that keeps calling itself until one day it finds a condition to terminate that loop. Life also provides such conditions for people.

As I’ve already said in my previous post about “moving on” in life. So the life keeps moving on and so are the people in our lives. Many of them change company, some change the country. This happens one by one with the people in our lives, leaving you stranded in a lonely island full of new people. You miss their calls, messages. The numbers stored in your mobile phone’s contact list becomes obsolete one by one and each one of them gets removed from the “fwd msg” distribution list. The local number becomes a national one and the national number sometimes becomes a Skye contact. You have to depend on Gtalk, Skype and various other social networking medium to contact them and talk with them.

You slowly realise that, you are growing up and your are somewhere in the mid twenties. All college and school students become “kids” and you hate people shouting and chatting loudly in the buses. Group talk becomes nuisance and you prefer silence in the buses and cars. You prefer plugging into some iPod or mp3 players and listen to music rather than having a talk with someone sitting beside you. You realise that you have conversed so loudly and laughed so much in the bus when you were with your best buddies and everyone sitting around you turned and gave a cheap stare at you. Now that you have become one among them staring at loudly talking people. You have become a “Grownup”!!

One day, you realise that all your friends who joined with you in the company you are working, have left one by one and you have to remove them from the official instant messaging list. Their official email ID becomes obsolete and you practically understand that when you receive a message from the postmaster with the subject “Failure Delivery – Couldn’t find the address or mailbox doesn’t exists”. Friends are a major part of our lives. We spend time with them and share almost everything with them – likes, dislikes, food, money and even crushes. Our mind is reluctant to accept the fact that, we cannot be always with them. We have to move on.

Life keeps us busier always with something or the other. First its the school where we made friends. Later we finished schooling, wrote slam books, shared contact number and email IDs. Then we joined college, again made friends, had lot of fun, shared our lives in and out in classrooms, canteens, labs, mukku kadai-s and in hostels and mess. But we never felt the distance anytime. Even when we get jobs and start working, we keep in touch with them though forward messages, group mails, weekend meet-ups and movies. But when the life gets more busier, we find less time for all that. Weekends becomes “Dorm-ing days”. We sleep, sleep and sleep out of hectic-ness that has crept into our life. Everyone becomes busy. Some move on for higher studies and some change jobs and some get married. Your friends circle shrinks its diameter and at one point of time it becomes a straight line.

Friends at work come to your rescue. Again you start living with a new circle of friends and this time the diameter keeps increasing and you again start enjoying your time with the friends. Chatting with them for long, hanging out in the weekends, movies and much more. You even find your girl. In-spite of such new relationships, you enjoy being with your friends. Life moves swiftly with college friends at one side and your work friends on the other side.

One fine day, you find your job sucks big time and you desperately want a change. A change that will bring a big change in your life. You think about it and finally make a decision to change your job. Fiasco sets in and you start missing all your friends again. You are not just changing your job but altogether moving away from all of them with whom you have been with, for the part years. Now that you are losing your own official mail ID which you have acquired long back and to which your inbox gets flooded with heaps of “Forward mails”. Again you become sentimental. You curse God for making you missing friends. You leave and find a new job. Now you find yourself stranded in a place of unknown people. You find everything new. you have to get accustomed to new way of living and working. You miss your old cubicle and your company. You start saying “It wasn’t the way it is here…”. You envy on people who hangs out in gangs and laughs out loud (Yea the same LOL!). You are just left to yourself. You have to eat your breakfast and lunch in the food courts alone. You don’t know where to keep the soiled plates. You don’t know in which counter you have to get the ordered item in the FC. You consciously walk towards the hand wash area. You realise that people around you are staring at you with the “just joined” or “new guy here” looks. *Sigh* what a comfort zone I’ve created for myself and now I’ve come out of it. You have to make new friends again.

You again wish for all your old companions. You see everyone is worried about their families. You see all your colleagues talking about their son or daughter. You are put into constant speculation about things around and about yourself. You are not the one you were some two or three years before. You find yourself still worrying about your friends. You then realise that you have to start worrying about yourself. You have to start working towards supporting yourself. You are a grown up now. You are no more a kid or immature just-out-of-college guy. No one likes your SMS, few likes them very much and asks you, “Why didn’t you send any messages. I was waiting for them”. You laugh at yourself. You still have hopes to be a kiddish, carefree, lazy, sleepy immature boy. You keep reminding yourself of not to become one of those serious, worried and always complaining jerks. You still remain a happy, friendly, always-smiling, humorous chap who would want to be open with everyone you meet in your life and create an interesting chapter of them. You make new friends and keep adding them to your “Besshht Friendssss” list.

Life is just drifting away. There is no time for hatred, jealous or regrets. Keep yourself open and welcome everyone. Love them all till you find friendship and love everywhere around you and you are fully drenched on it.

Thank you all my friends for becoming a good chapter in the pages of my book. You are “THE BEST”. You have made my life worthy and cherishable. “Hello” to all my future friends who would start making an entry into my pages of my life. Welcoming you all.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.  ~Chili Davis

Be cheerful and love all!!

Nostalgic Moments – A tribute to Infy

The mail that I wrote to my friends on my last working day……

Amigos adiós…

Guess it’s imperative to say this now!!
Yes, Today is my last day in Infosys. Memories dates back when I was waiting unsettled with my conscious disputing over the subconscious, in my college conference hall, my name was called for making it to the final round of interview. From that time, I’ve been very much inquisitive in looking out for new opportunities, new people and a new life. Life wasn’t bad to me either. I was in the best place where ever I’ve been to – my schools, my college and the company. Infosys didn’t stand as an exception. From the terrific Mysore training where we racked our brains, to the marvellous buildings where we roamed around, to the work, the values and the culture, everything was the Best.

Life changes its course like river. As the life moves on, you get to meet new people from different places and style. I’m very much blessed, fortunate and privileged to have associated with the best people and have been with the best of them in Infosys. They might not have same likes and dislikes as of me but to live with those differences is what I would like to appreciate. The differences did make a difference in my life. Thanks, to all those wonderful people reading this mail. More than the professional contacts, I’ve acquired more friends here – through Infyblogs (many!!), lunch-mates, bus friends, event organizing friends, BB friends, few Hi-Bye friends and many more smiling faces which I cross daily from boarding my office bus in the morning till alighting the same in the evening. Many of them remained as friends, who were not just friends, but friends who always stay in touch, who slap me hard, who hug me tight and hold me close whenever and wherever I thrive and stay in my memory forever.

There are times when things around has put me in a state of joy and times when in despair too. Bad times don’t last long and so are the good times. Good times transform into memories and bad times translate to lessons. I’ve accumulated lots of memories but have learnt good lessons as well. But looking at the good times, the bad times just drifts away with the wind. We need memories to cherish things and lessons to remember. Both are essential.

Time changes and so is the life. It’s been a wonderful journey of 3 plus years in Infosys and at this point of time, I’ve decided to change direction and explore further avenues of my career. This change is inevitable and I’ve to accept this and I’m fully aware that, I’ll be a little more distance away from you all. But the undeniable fact is that, this world is too small to get lost in the crowd. We will meet again for sure and I’ll be at a fathomable reach. You can always drop me a call or draft me a mail and I’ll be very much glad to listen to your stories. Thanks to all of you who made my stay in Infosys a memorable and cherishable one.

There is this song titled “The Reason” from the album Hoobastank, which I always listen to…

I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you…

Though the song is meant for someone, I relate that here to something which I’ve been related to almost more than three years. As the saying goes, “no one is perfect”; I’ve always strived to achieve perfection in whatever I did here. In whatever position I’m now, everything attributes to you & the reason is you – Infosys. It’s not the end but it’s going to be another new beginning for me!

I really don’t know if I’m happy for any reason or sad for no reason at all. There are many things here which I held so close to my heart. So close that I cannot really put it in words. I’ve never tethered myself to anything so much, but the people and my relationship with them here have really made me so much addicted to them, even a gentle aberration to it causes chaos in my cerebral cortex. These benign anomalies will always stay in and keep reminding me of all those good times I’ve been bestowed in Infy.

Well, nothing more to add nothing less to miss. Just requesting all of you to be in touch and support me and shower your blessings for all my future endeavours.

Hum hai raahi pyaar ke, Phir milenge chalte chalte…!

Signing off….
Kalyan Varadarajan
(Powered by Friends, Driven by Love)

P.S: Today’s date is something special. 11022011 That’s a palindrome!

My dear blaaag

Raising from ashes, well yeah I’ve been dormant for sometime on blogs and I’m just trying to be back, raising from my own ignorance and sleep to the world of blogging. There are quite a many reasons I’ve to attribute for my absence from the blogosphere. The year 2010 has been terrific and kept myself busy in various activities ranging from the project work, blogging, sleeping and watching movies in my comp. Well last few months of the the year 2010 was really hectic and things were quite unsure. Work pressure and commuting to work place (travelling from one city to another city!!) was really pissing me off and I had to concentrate a bit more on my career side 😯

Keeping myself off from the blog has given me many unimportant things in my life. First one is laziness. I’ve become one extreme loafer who is reluctant to move my bums from a place and commands things to happen. This has given some comfort which has become so dangerous and devastatingly harmful in the long run. Laziness prevented me to think. Yes, I actually wanted to take a break and that break was almost three months. But I was totally unaware that these three months will make me so so lazy. Whenever I think of writing something, I open my openoffice document, (Yes, I switched to Open source recently, switching from Windows XP to Ubuntu 10.10 Linux operating system) either sleep gives me a big hug or something else distracts me from thinking. Moreover I had other things which had more priority than blogging. So I didn’t mind neglecting my dear blogging at that point of time.

Second thing which prevented me from blogging was the inability to come up with new themes for my stories or interesting content. I used to breathe and eat blogging few months back. I sincerely take efforts to draft things and post it in my blog. But lack of new ideas and themes kept me away from this god damn  passion of mine and only resulting on envying people who come up with good stuffs and brooding over my inability to find time. Lacking of ideas and thoughts is one worst thing for a writer that blocks his mind from innovation and thus putting a brake in his passion. I was seriously affected by this. 😦

When my career stood in front me holding my collars and asking me to give a change, I was completely clueless on how to give it a hug and console it. It wasn’t so rude but I was in a pitiable state. I had to take big efforts to find a breathing time for my career and for myself which almost went in searching for options. Options were very much limited. My passion and my career were in no point intersecting and it steadily maintained a wide gap which I knew will never be concurrent at any point of my life. Deviating away from my current line involved lots of known risks which I couldn’t take as I was totally bound and intertwined by societal and family pressures.

Commitment is not crime until you start finding your own conscience biting you. I had no other options than to stick to my uninteresting career, fully aware of the damn fact that sticking to it will result in no gain either in your social life or in the financial leg. I had to undergo pains and have gone through situations from which I couldn’t come out just like squeezing the tube of toothpaste. I had to make decisions in life. I had to choose from limited options and take big steps to get some relief.

After some hectic processes and running around, finally I got an answer and some direction to which I can progress as of now. A temporary relief has set in. At least now it is quite relaxing that I’ve chosen what I wanted. But this decision wasn’t an easy one. I had to weigh various options, faced failures and humiliations. As always said, failures are not the end but they are the beginnings. Those failures really gave me a chance to look within and weigh my worth. It helped me to understand self. I could correct my mistakes and could locate where I was low and where I was high. Long time self introspection went in and now I’m okay. Free from little tensions and things which were pricking my heart.

In this new year, few good things happened and I’m happy for that. I should attribute that to my failures which gave me an opportunity to unveil things which were really helpful for my progress in life. Hope this new year 2011 gives me interesting encounters and ever lasting and memorable surprises in my life.

Yea I’ll be back to blogging with full dedication and sincerity as I said before I’m raising from the ashes!

Happy New Year to all of you ( I know I should have said this on Jan 1st. But still I feel this is good time to start and fill the gaps!)

Keep coming folks! 🙂