Have you ever been to a buffet dinner in a 5 start hotel or restaurant with a bunch of friends without much holding your jaw down desperately looking at a sleeveless girl adding top-ups to her mayonnaise white cream soup bowl and equally dined in Hotel Saravana Bhavan air-conditioned family hall, hogging a green leaf plate of “Saravanaa Special Meals” or any equally any “high fat full meals”?
Then this piece of article below will do some justice to your time spent on reading this.
Well, after Facebook and Twitter, the most searched topic of discussion in the world wide web is the marriage thingy. Its a highly process oriented billion dollar, fully offshored project, carried out in a phase by phase manner, fully milestoned and timelined deliverable, with all the due client & senior management approvals. Well, keeping all the IT terminologies aside, I hereby assure you to take a stroll to the world of Love and arranged marriages with interesting details.
Well people say marriages are made in heaven, but we are forgetting that, if that being the fact, then no mortal in this world will ever get to produce offspring in this earth. Marriages are made in Mandapams you morons. The next big thing – Love or arranged. The former being the most tabooed syllable in itself and the word in any language. How can you ever commit such a crime of ‘seeing a girl’ when we age old, spiritual, God fearing, society adhering, horoscope matching, 1000 GBs of dignity holding oldies are there to choose what is right and what is wrong for you? The latter being the default option for another set of Centum holding, God fearing, Carnatic Music knowing (singing in random frequency voice modulated cacophony), “All Indians are my brothers and sisters” believing, Sun TV raasi-palan watching, Elders’ words as-it-is adhering and elders-know-what-is-good-for-them believing, Strictly vegetarian sans onion & garlic practicing, elite class of blessed people. While you know about who will fit into the bill in the former option.
Love marriages are like attending a buffet dinner. You know what your are going to eat. You have the privilege to see the dimensions, color and sometimes even the smell of the item say paneer butter masala, even before it is transferred it to your plate. Obviously you cannot taste it directly form the display. But in case of arranged marriages, its like sitting in Hotel Saravana Bhavan as described in the first para and waiting in the table after ordering the “Saravanaa Special Meals”. You are highly uncertain that the items listed in the menu card will be available in every pixel of your green leaf plate and the possibility of eating an item that you wish to eat will be difficult to plot using the Gaussian curve in a Cartesian co-ordinate. You are destined to taste the item only after ordering the full set of items in the plate. You cannot even discard few items, which will lead to wastage of food and your money. You are forced to eat the contents, since you have paid for it, without much bothering about the taste unlike love marriages where you have the liberty to see what you want to eat and only after contemplating on the taste you go for it. Same happens in the love marriages, you get to choose the girl/boy you want, rather than accepting someone who is good in all aspects as certified by others.
In a buffet dinner, you can see all the food items available at once by walking through the display and choose any item in random that you like to have. You can eat in any order, first even ice cream, sweets, then a starter, then cakes, then you can slowly come to the main items fried rice, Biriyani or whatever. So in a love marriage you know fully about the girl/boy before hand and need not be contemplating on, what the person will think if I do this or do that. You would have already known about the person when you had spent times together. But in arranged marraige everything is sequential access. Even if you want to taste the Kesari and Badam Kheer first, someone will say, “If you eat Kesari & Kheer, you cannot finish the rice and all the side dish like Poriyal, appalams etc will be wasted”. So even if you want to, you cannot eat what you want. You will be always concerned in the wastage.
Same applies with the arranged one. You have to first make the matches, then they will have the betrothal function. Remember you shouldn’t talk to the girl/boy till the marriage. It will create a bad image on one’s family. Come on, we are very decent and have good family background! (I’ve a good computer wallpaper in background!). Then comes the marriage, where you can sit beside her, amidst the burning fire with all those fumes directly flowing right across your face. Woow what a clear view of her face I’m getting! Only after that you will be officially declared as H&W like the father in the Church used to say, “Now you can kiss the bride…”. Ohhh I forgot, one cannot do all such things in front of others in our case. No talking, no ‘PDA’ and yeah even blackberries! 😛 unlike in love marriages, you have the control within you. It is upto you to hit the Ice cream first or have it later with fruit salad!
In a buffet, you atleast know what is what and where, as every item is named clearly with the name plate. Thereby you know what you want to eat and where to go and how much to pick. But in the HSB, you have to eat whatever has been summoned to you. You cannot blame someone for keeping more of an item or even less quantity. Love marriages enable you to understand each other since you have already fallen in love and have known each others shortcomings and blessings. Youre only responsibility is to lead your life, caring and daring for each other. But when in comes to arranged one, each one of your characteristics starts unveiling one by one. You want it or not, you have to bear with it. You cannot help it or undo it. Yeah you can change it, but one loses their individuality. There comes the part of adjustment, empathy and things like that. Whatte life full of surprises you see!!!! Its like getting a non replaceable tight fitting jeans and trying to make oneself comfortable inside it. Ofcourse, you will get used to it, but it takes time to settle.
Universally, What we like matters the most rather than what we want. We would ‘want’ a fried rice but having a Mushroom fried rice is what we ‘like’. Most of the times people find it comfortable with things what they like, than things which have been offered to them that others wanted them to have. You have fallen in love and chosen her/him as your soul mate. You were assertive in making the decision and its upto you to steer it to the right direction as you know, exactly what you have been upto.
Arranged marriage tend to force you to adapt to the new way of life. Think in girl’s perspective, they would have had many dreams and likes. They wanted to live their life. But what these arranged marriages are doing to them? Just pushing them to a new environment and asking them to get accustomed to it. Come on I just knew this guy 2 months back from the photo which you showed along with the horoscopes and I’ve to weave my dreams around it. In this male dominated society, the girl has to fore-go her dreams and likes and have to live in accordance to the portfolio as designated to her by the society and in-laws house. Cruel!! There are understanding people, but how many of the girls get to have what they ‘like’ and not what others ‘wanted’ her to have? And the world speaks about women empowerment and rights! *sigh*
Happy love marriages are not just the buzz word these days due to cultural, regional, religious and economical boundaries. There exists a boundary within which people are trying to lead their life and the boundaries are strongly firewalled by the societal views and norms. When a guy from south falls in love with a girl from north, the society is cantankerously not ready to cook Aloo parathas and Bisibelabath in one kitchen. Everyone wants to be in their own cosy ground of circle and etching the ground with such non encroachment policies for everyone around them. Thus forming the society that accepts only acceptable existence and any aberration to it causes unacceptable behaviour by the victimised individuals. Alternatively, arranged marriages are also equally leading to the city of great fiasco these days, due to non compliant in understanding and characteristics post marriage. It is the individuals responsibility to steer it to the right direction. Not the society.
In this conservative scenario, everyone wants to be in Hotel Saravana Bhavan rather than dropping into a restaurant for a buffet. For some, having tried a buffet, due to societal interference, they are forced to have “full meals” with their heart & mind fully in the buffet truly madly deeply! 😀
I’m neither trying to defend for love marriages, keeping into account the ability and opportunity of an individual nor drifting into the popular idea of “Pallu irukkaravan, pakoda saapdraan” theory. It is a very wide spread and common happening in the society than the Ozone layer depletion, where some random guy ‘Arjun’ (not the 4.5 Arokya milk drinking chap!) in his 3 decade unwashed jeans in a hopelessly unkempt hair, where the Phoenix bird nests its eggs, who doesn’t know what the Gillette products are for, holding a Nokia 1100 handset, driving unserviced-unwashed-mud-patched Pulsar 150 CC gets a ‘pakoda’ and a common guy ‘Ramasamy’ in his well pressed Peter England shirt, well shaved and trimmed strip of moustache beneath his nose, holding a 3G mobile, well applied Parachute Coconut oil, combed hair, driving Hero Honda Splendour doesn’t even get the remnants of the Pakoda mixture. Cases of vice-versa where Arjun loses his Pakoda and gets married to Ramasamy also exist in minuscule percentage!! 😛
Reality is that, there is no pure, selfless, affectionate and caring love. Even if it is there. the boundaries denies there access to happy life. And so there are love failures and unfortunate events.
Dont drop into a buffet, pick an item from the wrong bowl and find yourself chewing a piece of chicken assuming it to be Paneer Gobi Masala. Know what you are choosing and what and how much you are eating.
It is not about choosing the dish right, it is all about choosing the right dish!
Image Source: Google 🙂
P.S: No offence meant to Hotel Saravana Bhavan, random guy Arjun, common guy Ramasamy and to all the religious sentiments. This is just one of my random ramblings which I wanted to write down! 🙂