Please let me know if you have any questions

Please let me know if you have any questions

How innocent this statement looks but don’t sink in to the deception, I will assist you to be aware of the ramifications that this statement may lead to. Having worked in IT industry for enough long years, I’ve acquired the tacit cognizance not only to read in between the lines of emails but also to penetrate into it and sectumsempra the whole thing to extract the intended insinuation.

Well, after having composed and in the process of composing oodles of corporate emails to immediate bosses, clients, users, teams, alien teams and acquaintances sitting oceans far away or as close as in the next cubicle, I had to admit that, the monotony of this phrase is more nuzzled than the mere obligation of it. Every time I finish composing an email, I feel something is missing in the whole email draft and suddenly realize that, the parting shot misses the most worshipped phrase ‘Please let me know if you have any questions’ and so I diligently type it out at the end of the body which gives a sense of completeness to the email, like that of the holy ‘Thachi Mammu’ at the end of a heavy South Indian meal.

Few use this statement just for the sake of it. Few use it just to sound concerned. Few use it to feel complete (Complete Man – Raymond’s!). Few use it just to be careful and get a feeling of being in the crowd and not left out. Only few choose to know the real meaning of it and act accordingly.

Though this invites ‘further communication’ from the recipient, sometimes it doesn’t invite at all. When your manager sends an email with such a parting shot, some choose to stick to ‘I don’t have any questions’ mode to avoid any repercussion of their flushed out eccentricities. Some actually have things to say and so they immediately run their fingers on the keyboard as if running it against one’s girlfriend’s contours, ramming the keyboard to an extent that the keys go weak in their knees and beg your sympathy, shedding copious amount of audible tears. These species never fail to end their reply with the same blessed phrase of, ‘Ohh please god damn, let me know, if you gosh have, any freaking questions!’

This gets so monotonous at some point of time that you actually choose to ignore this and end the email blatantly with main content. You feel so bored even to take questions from the other end. Sometimes, it will be so boring day that, you actually wish no one comes back with any questions. You may want to keep the tone of the email as concerned as possible but ignoring this phrase might end up as if you are not so involved in the task at hand. So you invariably end up putting that phrase at the end of the email and silently pray all Gods one by one wishing the recipients to be as lazy as you. Some strategically compose such emails towards the end of the day, and press the button SEND SEND SEND for each draft consecutively in quick succession… like pressing the trigger of the MG3 7.62mm machine gun so that they don’t have to wait for the reply and can always check the next day.

Sometimes, the content of the email would be so small but still people prefer to make it wholesome with this phrase.

Sample this,


Hi Ben,
The report is sent.
Please let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks & Regards,
Hey I am the Please-let-me-know-if-you-have-any-questions lover

Yes I admit, this phrase can be email filler. It makes the email appear as if the content is huge and it is trying to convey quite a lot of information sarcastically.  So the above email with the phrase can connote:

Hey Ben, Hope you received the crappy report which you asked me to send. Dude, this gotta be crazy, it’s just a simple report which you might have generated yourself. It’s just two minutes of effing mouse click and I gotta log this task in my timesheet since you had sent it to me. I would have probably grabbed an ‘Egg Puff’ in the pantry by the time I logged into the ftp client sitting at the remote machine or rather I would have taken two three sips of Bru coffee with the Sunfeast Marie Light Oats Biscuit.

Anyway, don’t get back to me with any sorta questions or whatever. Do ping me, if am free I’ll reply. I gotta go. Ciao!

Got that?

Well, it does convey such deep meanings in a single line.

In other cases some dread the usage of such phrase during critical times.


Hi <the-most-admired-person>,

As discussed two centuries back (Read – two days back), I’ll be on leave till Tuesday.

Please let me know if you have any questions. (*Sincerely prays God and touches black color while typing this email which would evade all evil eyes and brings good luck*)

Thanks & Regards,
Hey I am afraid to use Please-let-me-know-if-you-have-any-questions dude.

People dread this phrase I say. What if your boss changes the mind and only because you have mentioned ‘Please let me know if you have any questions’, he/she gets back to you with – ‘Well, can you cut down your leave by a day and be back to office by Monday?’. In order to avoid all such ill fate, few gallop away from this dreadful phrase and try not to make it more obvious to get back to them.

This statement has gained corporate attention, since it conveys quite a lot of emotions than a Kathak dancer!


Hi <some-poor-fella>

I cannot approve your release as the metrics in the DOSA dashboard cannot reach 201% compliance without your humble presence. Innovation in the lines of Ghee Dosa, Onion Rava would go bleak if you don’t make yourself available before the dough kneading Tool.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks,
Parotta Master


This dreadful phrase in the above email conveys some simple things without being explicitly declared. First, dude you are screwed, trash your release request. Second, how can you get released when you are the only one taking care of this DOSA module? Having an IDLI person for a DOSA can lead to change in the DOSA parameters which can affect the quality of the deliverables. And finally, now I think you don’t have any questions to ask!

Indigenous use of this phrase has made oneself more competent in the lines of the prudent usage of this phrase. Some acquire this skill to use it at the right time. Six Sigma Green Belt Certifications are not necessary to master the technique of such usage. Sri Sri Ravi Shankar who preaches ‘Art of living’ has decided to impart this niche skill to everyone in his spiritual masses.

I also notice that this ‘Please let me know if you have any questions’ culture has deeply penetrated into the young minds and they have started believing that it is some sort of customary ritual that is being followed in the project. They have started appending it to every other email they are sending out. It becomes the email mantra. They chant this at the end of every email.

Lastly I heard from one of my friends that, someone made a blasphemous use of this statement and it was being circulated only among the near and dear ones in the company in the form of forward emails.

The email read:


(Names have been changed to protect the identity & dignity of the email sender)

Dear <sincere-girl-who-works-in-my-project>,

Many more happy returns of the day!

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks & Regards,
Very-Very-Very-Busy-Boss


Alright, so I have decided to create an e-learning material on this industry buzz phrase which will be of greater help for the freshers and laterals who join the company. I hope I made myself clear.

Please let me know if you have any questions!

Thanks & Reg….Ohhh sigh! Cut the crap!

Chalo then. Bubye!

ITC Grand Chola Indiblogger Meet 2012 – A rendezvous to remember!

Indiblogger meets have always been fun!

Looking back the times this and this , when I had walked into the banquet hall sheepishly uncertain, unknown of the blogger meet protocols and likes, it gives an immense feeling of tranquility to be cognizant of the fact that I am now acquainted with this indiblogger-ness and can walk-in to any meets with a sense of collegiality and connectedness and definitely find atleast ten to fifteen of your twitter mates or blog mates for sure.

This time on October 27th 2012 (Saturday), it was hosted in association with ITC Grand Chola 5 Star luxury hotels @ Guindy. When the seats were limited, I quickly logged in to indiblogger site from my mobile as I was out of home and clicked the blessed ‘Register’ button! *peace*. From that time onwards, I’ve been waiting for the Saturday to hit me soon, so that I can meet all my friends scattered around the social media. When I got a confirmation called from Nandita, I was more thrilled for the meet.

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Its my hike – by Born Jovial

This is a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the hike-retarded
I ain’t gonna be just a face in the ODC
You’re gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud

[Chorus:]
Give me hike
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna wait forever
I just want to get my hike
(It’s my hike)
My salary is like a bush in highway
Like Frankie said
Passion is my way
I just want to get my hike
It’s my hike.

This is for the ones who submitted timesheets
For blogs and compass who never went down(!)
Tomorrow’s getting late make no mistake
Luck ain’t even lucky
Got to send your own mails.

[Chorus:]
Give me hike
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna wait forever
I just want to get my hike
(It’s my hike)
My salary is like a bush in highway
Like Frankie said
Passion is my way
I just want to get my hike
It’s my hike.

Better send it all when we’re calling you out
Don’t bend, don’t break, ‘See’ baby, don’t back down

[Chorus:]
Give me hike
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna wait forever
I just want to get my hike
(It’s my hike)
My salary is like a bush in highway
Like Frankie said
Passion is my way
I just want to get my hike
‘Cause It’s my hike.

***

P.S: This is a customized parody of the song ‘Its my life‘ by Bon Jovi w.r.t the hikes that were yet to be announced few months ago!

Chennai Indiblogger Meet TATA GRANDE Hyatt 2011

Fun fun & fun,
Where else can you get one?
As you occupy the seat,
In the Indibloggers meet!

(Pls excuse for the bad poetry!)

Getting in

Indiblogger.in again organized a one day bloggers meet at Hyatt Regency, Chennai on October 9, 2011 (Sunday). It was yet another fun filled evening!!!!!!

As I parked my bike and walked into the Hall, I was asked to enter my email ID in the text box.

*boing*

There appeared a message in the big screen placed in the hall informing “Kalyan just walked in”. Then a blue seal was then punched in our wrist with a stamp mark of the text Indiblogger. Aahh!! I’m christened as an elite member of the cult – Indibloggers!

As I slowly walked into the hall towards the chairs, I was calmly looking for a place to park myself and enjoy the yet to begin proceedings, there was one guy sitting in the corner of a row. So I decided to start socializing with that guy first. It was just a brilliant co-incidence that both of us had many similarities. He was Pawan!

So as we were getting known to each other, I got a tap from behind, “Hey Hi”. I asked him to come over beside my chair. Now this time it was Anand. As I was talking with him, I spotted this girl who was sneaking in, doubtful to occupy a chair. After fixing a particular position, she chose a chair behind us. She seemed to be so familiar to me. I thought I had seen her somewhere in twitter. But unfortunately she wasn’t when I asked her! 😀 We all exchanged Hi-s and ‘where are you from’-s. It was so surprising to know that she was a Hygiene analyser from Rain Tree.

Then started our conversation – Me, Pawan, Anand & this girl Janani. As the discussion was steering in another blogger occupied a seat near Janani and gave us all a warm smile. “Can I also join??” pat came the question. “Of course, you are welcome!!!!!!” we all greeted her. She was Susan. Then God only knows what happened amidst us. It was a fun filled chit-chatting session among us!

You know – *Har Ek Friend Zaroori Hota hai* – *Ovvoru friendum theva machaan*

49 seconds of fame & other events

After all the Hi-s & Hello-s, the proceedings started with the ‘49 seconds of fame’ which is almost ‘Tell me about yourself’ session. Everyone took little more or little less time to gobble words and deliver their intros.

Well yeah, the event was hosted and sponsored by TATA GRANDE. So folks from TATA joined us to promote the TATA GRANDE SUV with the ad video which reminded me of the placement session which used to happen in our college seminar hall with the company’s video playing in the screen.

Coming back to present, I was busy in the registration counter, submitting the photo I clicked in my cam for a photo contest which they announced. I had to take the memory card, transfer it to the laptop and then send email & stuffs. By the time I came back to my seat, I could find a big chart and a sketch pen lying in my chair and in every other chairs. The lights were then switched on. I know what it is for – The ‘activity’ time. The rules were simple. You have to suspend the chart with the thread attached to it, on your back and then meet people, introduce yourselves and get their blog address, twitter ids, email ids and so on. There were prizes for that too – highest count of people one met, funny comment in the chart and so on. After we exchanged details and the chart was full, the time was running out and finally everyone settled in their seats back!

Serious time or Fun time – It’s up to you!

After everyone settled, Anoop announced that it was the time for some serious discussion. A POC was assigned for the following groups to be formed where in one can form a group and discuss.

1. Blogging – Monetising our blog, SEO & other stuffs, Themes etc
2. Chennai – All about Chennai, roads, travels, traffic, fuel hikes etc
3. Cars & Travel – All about cars, maintenance etc etc
4. Anything – You can do anything here!! (That’s what Anoop said!!)

Clueless on what to do, our gang Me, Pawan, Anand, Janani & Susan were just glued intact in our seats confused on what to do as those topics did not interest us. We got introduced ourselves to Gitanjali, Sandhya, Prashanth, Ashwini, Ganga, Websnacker, Vidhya and few others too. As other groups have already been formed and the discussions have already been started, we decided to form a new group called “No Agenda” or “Untitled” group!

We basically had no topics to discuss or to ponder over. But we too wanted to be a part of ‘happenings’ happening over there. So we formed a small round initially. Slowly people started pitching in asking us

“Is this a no agenda group?”

We all said, “Yeah yeah, come on in, join us. We are ‘No Agenda’ group”

Hence the circle started expanding and the diameter slowly increased. It was so surprising to see many people of our kind – with no topic to discuss. It was so fun to see folks joining us with inflated enthusiasm. So we started Human Resourcing. We made noises, whistled, clapped and hooted as people joined. The crowd was building in and many others joined (Sorry ppl I don’t remember your full names!! Please leave a comment if you were the part of our group!!) and it became a large deformed circle with enthusiastic and fun loving people.

I suddenly got remind of the Badsha Dialog

Ithu naanga setha koottam ille, thaana sernda koottam” & so it was undoubtedly!

“Whats the plan? whats the plan….?” were the questions.

“No plans yet, no plans yet…Its against the rules to form agenda in the group” were the answers! 😀

After some funny discussions, we decided to play TRUTH OR DARE!

Read more below…

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