2012 Syndrome – A Nightmare about an end


A week back, I woke up from a deep sleep early in the wee hours of the morning to find myself lying in the bed, clutching the pillow tight.

Thank God I’m back, Home – This is what I thought for some time and then slowly recalled what I saw scene by scene…

***

The living area seemed to be so familiar.

Yes.

It’s my home. Something was bothering me. Yes, The world outside is going to come to an end. But how? That’s the question which stabbed my heart. I was searching frantically for some book.

I screamed, “It’s there in the book. It is written how the thing will happen”.

I searched the book, without knowing, what the book is all about. I kept reminding myself the page number in which it was written. I looked at all places, and finally spotted my computer table, in which I found the book intact with the surface of the table. I could feel the cold gush of air in the face. I could feel the chilling electric pulse traversing from my central spine to all over the nerve junctions. I crouched towards the table to pick it up and opened the page in which the ‘thing’ was written. I wanted to read that single page which decided the next few moments. I felt, the world outside would get destroyed any time. I could imagine the cracks appearing in the roads ready for its destruction and its journey into the deep unfathomable cavity extending underneath the surface of earth!

I extended my hands to reach for the book. The scene changes!!! **Sigh**

***

I walk in a big campus resembling the Infy campus in MCity. I could see big posh buildings, dazzling in blue and green glasses, reflecting the sunlight which appears to be some known university in a foreign country. I was in my thick blue jeans with a full sleeved turtleneck T-shirt covered with a long brownish cloak, covering my body till the knees. I could see myself walking hurriedly towards a glass door entrance, with an old book with parchment type of hard bounded cover and an ancient symbol beveled in its center. I read a particular page with some unknown symbols and markings scribbled in the top empty space in the page. I kept walking along the pathway into the Corridor, where I could spot a few other boys and girls strolling randomly towards various entrances to halls.

I was about to turn the next page, just then someone who passed by me, yanked the book from my hand closing it with a THUD and then stuffed it back in my hands, snapping, “Don’t read all this here. It’s barred here. Don’t you know?”

I looked at him in bewilderment and snapped back, “Why is it that? Can’t you see I’m reading things and see the symbols I’ve noted down, here?”

He didn’t seem to show any interest in my argument. He picked up his mobile and walked away. I kept looking at him and suddenly I rushed towards the staircase in the corridor and kept walking in it until I reached a room which appeared to be a classroom. It was full of students. I thought I was going to deliver some lectures to them and I did not feel like a student in the university which I had thought earlier. I was about to enter the classroom, just then the scene changes again!

***

I was walking in the streets of Triplicane looking at the things around me. This is my place where I stayed in Chennai for the past 12 years. Now, I had reached the road which was perpendicular to our street. I marched forward looking at the world outside my house. It seemed to be normal but as I crossed two junctions which came in between, I could see the cars and almost all the vehicles are parked in the traffic bringing the environment to a standstill. Nothing seemed to move. Looking straight ahead, I could see an array of vehicles jammed in the road and it was crowded as if some disaster is scheduled to happen.

I walk past various cars and autos parked in the middle of the road. I was terrified. I still couldn’t visualize the disaster that’s going to happen. As all chennaites know very well that, Triplicane is located near the Marina beach and it is walkable distance from the place, I need not explain where the beach is. I kept advancing towards the end of the road. I could see many people standing outside their houses and looking at things very uneasily. There were lots of worried faces which I could easily spot. Almost all of them have come out and were holding feared looks in the faces.

I didn’t know how far I had walked; suddenly I could see the sea and its water level has risen considerably. I didn’t know, Marina encroached this much of land beside it. The water level was deliberately high. Usually, whenever I look at the beach, standing on the shores, facing the waters, I had always looked down as the shores are always elevated. But for the first time in my life, I was looking up at an elevation angle of about 60 degrees above the normal eye sight. I couldn’t digest the fact that, I’m not standing in the shores which will be usually sandy where we can find Sundalhawker, boats, ice cream and Balloon Shooting stalls and a sparsely distributed population of affectionate duos performing the intimate game plays in the vast open space, but I’m standing in the well-polished tar roads which were laid for the last week parliamentary elections.

I could see the waters have engulfed the dry sandy shores into its buoyancy and people are standing in the road that runs parallel to it. In no time, I could hear the waves emitting a mystical hum and the water body visible to my eyes started ebbing out. The clouds above the water body took weird shapes and darkened. I couldn’t control my fearful excitement. The darkened clouds formed a weird image resembled to be a face of a human being, like that of lord Voldemort’s image that used to appear in the sky, whenever death eaters cast the dark symbol in the Harry Potter series. I immediately took out my mobile from my shorts and launched the Camera application in it (I’m still confused as to why I wanted to take the picture of that face in the sky, when the world is actually about to come to an end). How did my mobile find its way into my shorts pocket? I never reminisced carrying it with me, when I started from home. Well dreams always leave you with many questions unanswered.

I took out my cell, gazed the sky and tried clicking the image and the whole devastating scene in front of my eyes that nobody could imagine – A sea ebbing out which is already at a higher elevation than the usual one and ready to pounce on the human population and engulfing the lands, hauling everything inside it. But the time I was to register what is happening, I found myself inside the water, floating in an unknown height and depth. I went unconscious and suddenly the scene changed as usual.

***

I was clutching very lightly without any efforts, the outer surface of a huge cylindrical hollow tower edifice which can hold 2 to 3 persons vertically in its hollow circular enclosure, situated at some safe distance from the beach. I could see the water body flowing into the lands and roads underneath it, getting slowly swallowed by the demonic waves. I still hold the metallic edifice clutching its cylindrical surface on its top and yelling at the image which appeared in the sky.

“Let it happen the way you wanted. I’ll see what can be done,” I challenged the dark face.

I could feel some force which was holding me close to the cylindrical structure. I felt easy to be held in its proximity, with myself at the topmost part of it. I did not hold it tight. I was just spreading my hands around it and the circumference was so large that, I couldn’t hold my palms of both my hands, together on the other side. So you can imagine how I was being held to its surface like a magnetic levitated train in its electromagnetic tracks. To be very simple, I felt like Spiderman sticking to the surface of the tower. Well I nested a small pride in me to have challenged some evil force which was trying to destroy the world by agitating the water body of world’s second largest beach!! (Heights of dreaming!!)

Now I started descending down the pillar and felt as how I’ve been operated by someone. I drifted smoothly on the cylindrical surface without being held anywhere or suffering intense pain or scratch. The bright world outside slowly started disappearing and an enclosure has started appearing around the pillar. I was descending down in the hollow space between the enclosure and the hollow pillar like structure. The darkness has already surrounded me. But I could see an aura of light around me, just me alone. I could see the inscriptions which have been inscribed on the surface of the edifice. I was still descending down. I was comfortable descending down as how the elevators descend down the floors. Suddenly, I remembered something was written beside the image which I saw in the sky, the darkened image formed by the clouds. I wanted to recall that. So in that instant, I was again ascending upward the edifice. I reached the top of the tower again. I could see the sea and the terrific waters flowing mercilessly into the city. The city was getting heavily water logged. Slowly the roads, houses, and buildings have started disappearing in the water. I could again see the face and the text which was formed beside it through the dark clouds. Satisfied, I again descended down the tower effortlessly.

To my surprise, I found this undeniable truth that, it was none other than me who was controlling my traverse upward and downward. Nobody was controlling it. I felt as if I’m controlling my life and my dream. I could clearly see that I’m in a dream and I could do all weird things like controlling my traverse up and down by just giving a thought about it. I calmed myself and held the pillar close to me and started my descend down into the deep hollow black space that lay beneath me. This cylindrical pillar was my only ray of hope and light to this journey of descend, which I’ve been subjected myself to. I found myself getting into a state of mental stability. The downward journey into the vast pitch black hollow beneath me was happening at ease. I was breathing normally.

It would have been some hours of time, ticked away. I still found myself descending into the oblivion. Suddenly the velocity at which I was travelling encountered retardation in the motion and the journey came to a halt as my feet touched a solid base of something.

I detached myself from the structure which was holding me all throughout the journey and looked down to get a view of the staircase. The staircase was made of metal with the most intricate artistic works in its design. The spiral steps looked very ancient like that of the steps in the British style bungalows. I was involuntarily getting down the steps and I reached the doors which seemed to be half open. I reminded myself about preparing for some lecture to be given to students who have gathered in a large seminar hall. I quickly entered the door to find a bunch of university students waiting for someone. As soon as I entered the hall, they started moving towards a particular classroom which seemed to be attached to the hall. The hall was brightly ventilated with the gleaming yellowish ambience spreading all over the hall.

I walked into one of the classrooms. I could see around five to six students who were sitting opposite to each other in the classroom tables and were chatting. The girls were in their sleeveless tights and jeans and were excited seeing me in the class. It looked as if a gang of friends were chatting happily in the recess break after a session of lecture. I happily joined them remembering my own college days. They welcomed me with “yaayyo”. In that group, one of the girls looked at me. I was confused as whether I’m a professor who is visiting this campus for a guest lecture or a student who has enrolled for a course in MS in some weird discipline say Symbology in some foreign university in UK. Images of Dan brown and Robert Langdon hovered in front of me. I could recollect the pages I have read from the “The Lost Symbol” last night in the bus. The way he has explained the interior of the US Capitol building was haunting my mind. The girl came to me. She was nearing me. I knew what she is about to do. She had a titillating looks in her face. She looked stunningly beautiful. I couldn’t resist the delay. I wanted to go and grab her and….

I woke up with a heavy pounding heart. Searched for my mobile and saw the time. It was 3.30 AM. I opened my eyes completely, chafed it twice or thrice and kept thinking about what I saw. I remembered many things immediately post dream – 2012, Movie trailer, 2012 theories, The Lost Symbol, Dan Brown, Robert Langdon, Harry potter,  my willingness to do an MBA abroad, interest in cryptography, passion for getting a new touch screen mobile and many other things which I was so passionate about. These things have collectively shown its face in various events.

***

Well, I recalled everything and dozed off. Usually we used to forget what we see in the dreams as soon as we get up in the morning. But this dream I really wanted remember. I wanted to blog about this. It may look very silly but still I wanted this to write this somewhere and share with others. For those who think this is all crap and I’m so silly, I admit I’m silly and don’t wanted to be in one of those mature grown up frowning serious male category. And for all those who enjoyed this, let me know what you felt about this.

Life isn’t a File – A Self Contemplation !!

My Mobile clock was ticking 8.00 PM in its flashing 320 X 420 TFT display

The Mobile stereo headset was plugged in place into my ear cavities on one of its end and to the Mobile stereo jack on the other end. I can see quite a few of Software Species seated beside, behind and in front me holding their i-Pods, MP3 Players and PMP in their very tired hands, who work desperately in a space bounded by card boards, named Cubicle, to force the output kiss their Monitors when they run a chunk of texts which they call it a PROGRAM or to sound more Computer-Literate-Software-Lingo, they call it a CODE.

I could feel the breeze of air sweeping across my face through the window. The corporate vehicle was swallowing the stretch of road ahead under its huge white-Blue metallic body with a number inside a circle stuck to its face. I could feel the inertia in which it was covering long distance to drop people in their respective destination.

Bus

The bus was dim lighted. The ambience was not so encouraging. I could see tired minds at rest. Most of them were fixed in their seats and eyes closed thinking about the nearest weekend that will embrace him/her soon. A man with some amount of hair stuck to his chin, which he called it a French beard, was talking over the Blackberry in a high decibel voice about the status report which was sent to Onsite and the metrics which has to be submitted before 0800 hours PST (Pacific Standard time), the next day. A teeny-weeny young girl in her early twenties, who was seated beside me, was busy talking to her friend about how Rohit was helping her during the regression testing. A treat assurance for successful testing completion was made, before the call was ended.

It sounded so dumb to me. She was now busy with her “Chicken Soup for the Girl’s Souls” by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Patty Hansen & Irene Dunlap in her lap! She gave me a look that will burn 275 calories of energy from her body.  She know that, I was staring at her..err… staring  at her book. I changed the direction of my vision at an horizontal angle of 20 degrees first, for a period of time, then an angle of 45.3 degrees towards the window. I was feeling tired, tired out of long travel in bus after a hectic work. It will take another one hour to reach my place.

I closed my eyes resting my head tilting it back at the head rest provided in the seat. My thought wandered.  Suddenly my inner self announced me, “I’m proud to be an Electrical and Electronics Engineer!! “ I was taken aback.

Electrical Network !! (Its here just to accentuate my EEE thought)

Why suddenly this thought erupted in the little mind that was busy all these time? Why I am so much inclined towards the subject, which I hated to the core suddenly? Its hundred percent true that, mind wanders like a monkey from one tree of thought to another one easily. My friends will throw a sheepish giggle or a lousy laugh at me if they ever heard me saying this. Such statement from my side is highly inappropriate. People know me as a software guy or a Computer Whiz kid from my college days, in spite of the undeniable fact that, all of us belonged to the esteemed group of “Electrical & Electronics Engineers”.

I thought software engineering would be interesting and elegantly clad field where you would see things you imagined, you see things working which you designed and executed. I hated electronics to the core. I saw people who were putting all blood and sweat to achieve things in the ‘Trical-‘Tronic subject as an algae which made the pond dirtier than the lotus which makes it beautiful. I always assumed myself to be a lotus adding beauty to the pond rather than being one among the algae floating in the water. I was never proud to be so much inclined towards software. I was actually happy that, I could survive in the software Market. I brushed up my software skills along with the soft skills which would enable me to get into this “Hello World”. I proactively mastered things that added feathers in my knowledge cap. I studied my subject just for marks. The last minute preparations, one night studies, group studies, mind mapping concepts in a way that is in no way related to the subject helped me to fetch marks and accolades. But, what about the knowledge? Am I an electrical engineer? Do I know things which others know? Have I made justice to the 4 precious years of my engineering life?  The questions stacked my memory and it was overflowing. Poor thoughts do know am not a Computer. I’m just another human being with blood and body with thoughts oozing out of human parts made of flesh and tissues.

College days were fun. We had time everything on earth though few things weren’t the way we expected. College was bound by rules. Lots of rules. But that was the boundary into which our heavens existed. We had everything. Food, Clothes, Money, Sleep, computers, Lectures, Labs, Practical, Hostel, Restricted freedom, Friends  and most importantly Peace. A peace that no money can buy. Though we were bound by boundaries of unseen, impractical, grotesque protocols written for students. We rested in peace in spite of the control that was impacted on us. Happiness persisted that were not explicitly declared. Happiness sustained as we were always surrounded by “same pinch” minds. Friends were families. Next room guy was a brother. Fourth bench corner guy was an entertainer. All girls were girl friends – Friends who were girls!! We did not see affection, we felt in our hearts. We did not see enmity, as it was practiced in our paths. We did not see God in temples, because we were taught things in “Temple of Learning”.  We did not find time to discover a new person amidst us, as we knew all of them around us. There wasn’t a stranger in our life.  So ultimately, life was full. full of colors, full of joy, full of love, full of exams, full of friends, full of boredom. A boredom which will not kill you, but will give new soil to sow interesting ideas.

But today, we are bounded too. Not bound by friends, but bound by strangers. We hardly know who sits in the next cubicle. We are bound not by walls of freedom, but by the walls of pressure. We spend hours together in this boundary to clock an minimal quantity of that fourth dimension, which decides the DNA of Life. We find little time for friends. We find little time for peace, which will not acquired at ease. There is something that decides all this. Those times were gone when we ran behind mark sheets, now that, we are running behind those few sheets of tinted paper which can buy everything under the sky. We never felt the notebooks heavier, but now, its aching to carry those currency notes. I do not deny the fact that our hard work reaps those currencies. But why do we put so much effort to earn money? Is it to keep on earning or to find time for people around you? I do not understand.

Time has changed everything in its path. When time passes, it doesn’t leave any stone unturned in its path.  It hasn’t spared me too. I spent four of my precious years in a field which involved bonding of emotional flux in one’s heart with the flux in another’s. But now am fidgeting with one dumb terminal to get some crap thing outta chunks of code. I wanted to be in IT, but not this kind of life which I’m living now…

The Bus jerked over a speed breaker. My thoughts spilled and I awoke from a deep thoughtful sleep. I looked at my mobile. It was 9.25 PM.  The bus has reached my place. In another 10 minutes, I have to get down. I did not notice the message which I received, a few minute back. Rightly the message reflected my thoughts

It read…

The IT Professional PREAMBLE-

We the unwilling, led by

the unknowing are

doing the impossible for

the ungrateful. We have

done so much for so

Long, with so little

Knowledge that we will

One day qualify to do

Anything with knowing

Nothing. Be Proud to be

An IT Professional !

Why should I be proud? I haven’t done anything great being an IT professional. I felt like being an algae in the pond. I felt as if I’ve lost the peace which I had before. I’m still searching for the Peace. Life has always its own style of teaching a lesson. It’s a good teacher. If it teaches something, you won’t forget it in your life time. I’ve learned from it. The bitter truth that I had to accept. The truth which can’t be denied. The truth that I’m still a Software Engineer.

I understood that, Life is not just another ‘File’, which can be created, modified and saved as you wish. It is something like a hard coded program which follows bizarre Logic to execute and terminate one day! Being a Software Engineer hasn’t helped me in any way.

Now I’m proud to be an Electrical and Electronics Engineer!!

I got down the bus and strolled towards my street to reach home, have something for my hunger and sleep tight.