Drifting away!

Have you ever noticed that the life is just drifting away slowly leaving you behind in some sort of confused and ever nagging loneliness? This feeling starts hitting you when you miss your friends, friends who have been your part and parcel of your life, with whom you have spent all your time and one day they all are gone away and you are left alone to your self. You get to meet new people with whom you are forced to make friendship or sometimes it just happens due to similarity in thoughts or due to interactions that makes it necessary to extend the hands of friendship. Well everyone will have to pass through this situation. You become so nostalgic and would subject oneself to constant rewinding of past incidents through photos stored in your hard disks or videos taken in your mobile phones.

The sheer thoughts about your college days brings back the hero in you. The days spent with friends keep flashing in your mind and your mind starts drifting itself into its past. Friends always stay near you at some point of time. You hang out with them, talk with them, go for trips, treats and eat outs. This creates an itch in your mind that keeps itching you, making you addicted to them. You start loving their company and  would want to meet them as frequently as possible. This is just like a recursion logic that keeps calling itself until one day it finds a condition to terminate that loop. Life also provides such conditions for people.

As I’ve already said in my previous post about “moving on” in life. So the life keeps moving on and so are the people in our lives. Many of them change company, some change the country. This happens one by one with the people in our lives, leaving you stranded in a lonely island full of new people. You miss their calls, messages. The numbers stored in your mobile phone’s contact list becomes obsolete one by one and each one of them gets removed from the “fwd msg” distribution list. The local number becomes a national one and the national number sometimes becomes a Skye contact. You have to depend on Gtalk, Skype and various other social networking medium to contact them and talk with them.

You slowly realise that, you are growing up and your are somewhere in the mid twenties. All college and school students become “kids” and you hate people shouting and chatting loudly in the buses. Group talk becomes nuisance and you prefer silence in the buses and cars. You prefer plugging into some iPod or mp3 players and listen to music rather than having a talk with someone sitting beside you. You realise that you have conversed so loudly and laughed so much in the bus when you were with your best buddies and everyone sitting around you turned and gave a cheap stare at you. Now that you have become one among them staring at loudly talking people. You have become a “Grownup”!!

One day, you realise that all your friends who joined with you in the company you are working, have left one by one and you have to remove them from the official instant messaging list. Their official email ID becomes obsolete and you practically understand that when you receive a message from the postmaster with the subject “Failure Delivery – Couldn’t find the address or mailbox doesn’t exists”. Friends are a major part of our lives. We spend time with them and share almost everything with them – likes, dislikes, food, money and even crushes. Our mind is reluctant to accept the fact that, we cannot be always with them. We have to move on.

Life keeps us busier always with something or the other. First its the school where we made friends. Later we finished schooling, wrote slam books, shared contact number and email IDs. Then we joined college, again made friends, had lot of fun, shared our lives in and out in classrooms, canteens, labs, mukku kadai-s and in hostels and mess. But we never felt the distance anytime. Even when we get jobs and start working, we keep in touch with them though forward messages, group mails, weekend meet-ups and movies. But when the life gets more busier, we find less time for all that. Weekends becomes “Dorm-ing days”. We sleep, sleep and sleep out of hectic-ness that has crept into our life. Everyone becomes busy. Some move on for higher studies and some change jobs and some get married. Your friends circle shrinks its diameter and at one point of time it becomes a straight line.

Friends at work come to your rescue. Again you start living with a new circle of friends and this time the diameter keeps increasing and you again start enjoying your time with the friends. Chatting with them for long, hanging out in the weekends, movies and much more. You even find your girl. In-spite of such new relationships, you enjoy being with your friends. Life moves swiftly with college friends at one side and your work friends on the other side.

One fine day, you find your job sucks big time and you desperately want a change. A change that will bring a big change in your life. You think about it and finally make a decision to change your job. Fiasco sets in and you start missing all your friends again. You are not just changing your job but altogether moving away from all of them with whom you have been with, for the part years. Now that you are losing your own official mail ID which you have acquired long back and to which your inbox gets flooded with heaps of “Forward mails”. Again you become sentimental. You curse God for making you missing friends. You leave and find a new job. Now you find yourself stranded in a place of unknown people. You find everything new. you have to get accustomed to new way of living and working. You miss your old cubicle and your company. You start saying “It wasn’t the way it is here…”. You envy on people who hangs out in gangs and laughs out loud (Yea the same LOL!). You are just left to yourself. You have to eat your breakfast and lunch in the food courts alone. You don’t know where to keep the soiled plates. You don’t know in which counter you have to get the ordered item in the FC. You consciously walk towards the hand wash area. You realise that people around you are staring at you with the “just joined” or “new guy here” looks. *Sigh* what a comfort zone I’ve created for myself and now I’ve come out of it. You have to make new friends again.

You again wish for all your old companions. You see everyone is worried about their families. You see all your colleagues talking about their son or daughter. You are put into constant speculation about things around and about yourself. You are not the one you were some two or three years before. You find yourself still worrying about your friends. You then realise that you have to start worrying about yourself. You have to start working towards supporting yourself. You are a grown up now. You are no more a kid or immature just-out-of-college guy. No one likes your SMS, few likes them very much and asks you, “Why didn’t you send any messages. I was waiting for them”. You laugh at yourself. You still have hopes to be a kiddish, carefree, lazy, sleepy immature boy. You keep reminding yourself of not to become one of those serious, worried and always complaining jerks. You still remain a happy, friendly, always-smiling, humorous chap who would want to be open with everyone you meet in your life and create an interesting chapter of them. You make new friends and keep adding them to your “Besshht Friendssss” list.

Life is just drifting away. There is no time for hatred, jealous or regrets. Keep yourself open and welcome everyone. Love them all till you find friendship and love everywhere around you and you are fully drenched on it.

Thank you all my friends for becoming a good chapter in the pages of my book. You are “THE BEST”. You have made my life worthy and cherishable. “Hello” to all my future friends who would start making an entry into my pages of my life. Welcoming you all.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.  ~Chili Davis

Be cheerful and love all!!

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Life isn’t a File – A Self Contemplation !!

My Mobile clock was ticking 8.00 PM in its flashing 320 X 420 TFT display

The Mobile stereo headset was plugged in place into my ear cavities on one of its end and to the Mobile stereo jack on the other end. I can see quite a few of Software Species seated beside, behind and in front me holding their i-Pods, MP3 Players and PMP in their very tired hands, who work desperately in a space bounded by card boards, named Cubicle, to force the output kiss their Monitors when they run a chunk of texts which they call it a PROGRAM or to sound more Computer-Literate-Software-Lingo, they call it a CODE.

I could feel the breeze of air sweeping across my face through the window. The corporate vehicle was swallowing the stretch of road ahead under its huge white-Blue metallic body with a number inside a circle stuck to its face. I could feel the inertia in which it was covering long distance to drop people in their respective destination.

Bus

The bus was dim lighted. The ambience was not so encouraging. I could see tired minds at rest. Most of them were fixed in their seats and eyes closed thinking about the nearest weekend that will embrace him/her soon. A man with some amount of hair stuck to his chin, which he called it a French beard, was talking over the Blackberry in a high decibel voice about the status report which was sent to Onsite and the metrics which has to be submitted before 0800 hours PST (Pacific Standard time), the next day. A teeny-weeny young girl in her early twenties, who was seated beside me, was busy talking to her friend about how Rohit was helping her during the regression testing. A treat assurance for successful testing completion was made, before the call was ended.

It sounded so dumb to me. She was now busy with her “Chicken Soup for the Girl’s Souls” by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Patty Hansen & Irene Dunlap in her lap! She gave me a look that will burn 275 calories of energy from her body.  She know that, I was staring at her..err… staring  at her book. I changed the direction of my vision at an horizontal angle of 20 degrees first, for a period of time, then an angle of 45.3 degrees towards the window. I was feeling tired, tired out of long travel in bus after a hectic work. It will take another one hour to reach my place.

I closed my eyes resting my head tilting it back at the head rest provided in the seat. My thought wandered.  Suddenly my inner self announced me, “I’m proud to be an Electrical and Electronics Engineer!! “ I was taken aback.

Electrical Network !! (Its here just to accentuate my EEE thought)

Why suddenly this thought erupted in the little mind that was busy all these time? Why I am so much inclined towards the subject, which I hated to the core suddenly? Its hundred percent true that, mind wanders like a monkey from one tree of thought to another one easily. My friends will throw a sheepish giggle or a lousy laugh at me if they ever heard me saying this. Such statement from my side is highly inappropriate. People know me as a software guy or a Computer Whiz kid from my college days, in spite of the undeniable fact that, all of us belonged to the esteemed group of “Electrical & Electronics Engineers”.

I thought software engineering would be interesting and elegantly clad field where you would see things you imagined, you see things working which you designed and executed. I hated electronics to the core. I saw people who were putting all blood and sweat to achieve things in the ‘Trical-‘Tronic subject as an algae which made the pond dirtier than the lotus which makes it beautiful. I always assumed myself to be a lotus adding beauty to the pond rather than being one among the algae floating in the water. I was never proud to be so much inclined towards software. I was actually happy that, I could survive in the software Market. I brushed up my software skills along with the soft skills which would enable me to get into this “Hello World”. I proactively mastered things that added feathers in my knowledge cap. I studied my subject just for marks. The last minute preparations, one night studies, group studies, mind mapping concepts in a way that is in no way related to the subject helped me to fetch marks and accolades. But, what about the knowledge? Am I an electrical engineer? Do I know things which others know? Have I made justice to the 4 precious years of my engineering life?  The questions stacked my memory and it was overflowing. Poor thoughts do know am not a Computer. I’m just another human being with blood and body with thoughts oozing out of human parts made of flesh and tissues.

College days were fun. We had time everything on earth though few things weren’t the way we expected. College was bound by rules. Lots of rules. But that was the boundary into which our heavens existed. We had everything. Food, Clothes, Money, Sleep, computers, Lectures, Labs, Practical, Hostel, Restricted freedom, Friends  and most importantly Peace. A peace that no money can buy. Though we were bound by boundaries of unseen, impractical, grotesque protocols written for students. We rested in peace in spite of the control that was impacted on us. Happiness persisted that were not explicitly declared. Happiness sustained as we were always surrounded by “same pinch” minds. Friends were families. Next room guy was a brother. Fourth bench corner guy was an entertainer. All girls were girl friends – Friends who were girls!! We did not see affection, we felt in our hearts. We did not see enmity, as it was practiced in our paths. We did not see God in temples, because we were taught things in “Temple of Learning”.  We did not find time to discover a new person amidst us, as we knew all of them around us. There wasn’t a stranger in our life.  So ultimately, life was full. full of colors, full of joy, full of love, full of exams, full of friends, full of boredom. A boredom which will not kill you, but will give new soil to sow interesting ideas.

But today, we are bounded too. Not bound by friends, but bound by strangers. We hardly know who sits in the next cubicle. We are bound not by walls of freedom, but by the walls of pressure. We spend hours together in this boundary to clock an minimal quantity of that fourth dimension, which decides the DNA of Life. We find little time for friends. We find little time for peace, which will not acquired at ease. There is something that decides all this. Those times were gone when we ran behind mark sheets, now that, we are running behind those few sheets of tinted paper which can buy everything under the sky. We never felt the notebooks heavier, but now, its aching to carry those currency notes. I do not deny the fact that our hard work reaps those currencies. But why do we put so much effort to earn money? Is it to keep on earning or to find time for people around you? I do not understand.

Time has changed everything in its path. When time passes, it doesn’t leave any stone unturned in its path.  It hasn’t spared me too. I spent four of my precious years in a field which involved bonding of emotional flux in one’s heart with the flux in another’s. But now am fidgeting with one dumb terminal to get some crap thing outta chunks of code. I wanted to be in IT, but not this kind of life which I’m living now…

The Bus jerked over a speed breaker. My thoughts spilled and I awoke from a deep thoughtful sleep. I looked at my mobile. It was 9.25 PM.  The bus has reached my place. In another 10 minutes, I have to get down. I did not notice the message which I received, a few minute back. Rightly the message reflected my thoughts

It read…

The IT Professional PREAMBLE-

We the unwilling, led by

the unknowing are

doing the impossible for

the ungrateful. We have

done so much for so

Long, with so little

Knowledge that we will

One day qualify to do

Anything with knowing

Nothing. Be Proud to be

An IT Professional !

Why should I be proud? I haven’t done anything great being an IT professional. I felt like being an algae in the pond. I felt as if I’ve lost the peace which I had before. I’m still searching for the Peace. Life has always its own style of teaching a lesson. It’s a good teacher. If it teaches something, you won’t forget it in your life time. I’ve learned from it. The bitter truth that I had to accept. The truth which can’t be denied. The truth that I’m still a Software Engineer.

I understood that, Life is not just another ‘File’, which can be created, modified and saved as you wish. It is something like a hard coded program which follows bizarre Logic to execute and terminate one day! Being a Software Engineer hasn’t helped me in any way.

Now I’m proud to be an Electrical and Electronics Engineer!!

I got down the bus and strolled towards my street to reach home, have something for my hunger and sleep tight.